Friday, April 19, 2024 by LotBlind

Giant Tyrannous Thing Sooooo Using it Like a Giant

That's in reference to a Shakespeare quote I picked up off a Magic the Gathering card (that's about what those are good for amirite?), and to the you'll-know-it-when-you-see-it in today's first run. Speaking of, I'd like to extend (protract, lengthen, stretch out) a heartfelt apology to the relevant runner for the super-sized delay with their well-earned airing. It's because I... just wanted to spend a few extra mo[nth]ments savoring it all by myself. <3

In the statement "It's difficult to picture the perfect X", the "X" could be a lotta things. X could be an aeroplane. X could be a piano. X could be a particle accelerator that doubles as a skate cross track. X could be an amusement park ride, an amusement park, or just an amusement. Furthermore, a lot of speedruns can be plugged into this variable. It's easier to confirm a correct factorization into large primes than to chop it up yourself. You watch this run and you're happy to believe "yes, this makes sense, this must be it". As far as the I can see, in this 0:58:15 of a hard [difficulty] mathematical proof, with the abilities, foremost the psychotic "hya-hya-hyaaahs", flaunted by that most risque of these rat-reared rascals, redband-Raphael, (after Raffaello Sanzio da Urbino, a name that, just like most Italian names, is definitely fun enough to reprint here, or indeed anywhere at all – I don't think it can reasonably be morally condemned as a graffiti tag either), and given the exact timings and placements of these ninjoform adversaries waddling one by two by three onto the all-the-world's-a-stage, there's simply no mistaking it! This is it, I've fallen in loveE' amore... a prima... pizza.

Indeed, this is the first glimpses caught of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Shredder's Revenge's Juliet by 'lxx4xNx6xxl''s Romeo. FYI, respectful of the fact the runner, whose name I shall not attempt to type or even copy-paste into this particular river delta of a ramifying sentence (my lame claim to fame, I'm afraid), probably did NOT score this run first time playing, the sentence preceding, the one you're probably going to have to reverse back to like a fire engine to catch my drift here, was not designed with making sense in mind, any more than our bittersweet natural universe. I just wanted to dump both of the remaining two links into it, and much like post-Romeo Juliet, I don't see any serious competing suitors for this job, so...

The point is, this game is very new, 2022, and old it isn't to SDA either. But it is a good-ooool' classic tragedy in five acts. Here's why that's definitely five-sigma confirmed: Instead of the House of Capulet ("capo" is to "Capulet" as "ham" is to "Hamlet"), you've got the Foot Clan. Instead of Benvolio and Paris (remember those guys? oh man, those guys 🤣), you've got Bebop-a-lula and Get-Ready-Rocksteady. Instead of... you ready for this? Told you to get ready! Instead of star-crossED demenTED loveRS outta room throwing their lives A-way to the flies... you've got throwing starS outta DimenTION X flyING YOUR way A-cross the room... with love. And instead of the plan of waiting on Juliet for those two courtesy years to make marital consummation less youchey (and more wow! ^^ -chey), you've got... okay, I think this is where the analogy FINALLY breaks down. Phew!

Quote of the Run: "you can play a replay on the exact frame the M16 rampage ends to receive ~30000 ammo"

In case you can't fill in pretty poetry with the necessary rap pizazz using the power of your imagination, here, all done for ya!

(The File of Destiny in .ogg)
(The File of Destiny in .mp3)

(Local queenpin, ringing up the runner)

"How do ya, fine neighbor?
I need a... kind favor.
First mend that ride over there:
it got nicked in a night caper.
Then drive to the shop'n center,
and find me a retailer
stocking a wide range of
varieties of aqua vita.
Provide me some tequila,
and one of that French liqueur,
lime for to add flavor...
Then whip me up a Marg-rita
and one for the señ-rita."

(Like 40 minutes later)

"What's with the flightless bird?
Is it dry? You a rainmaker?
Wait, it's my booze Uber!"

(Calls the runner again)

"Yo, thought you would take the car!
And what is that, pipe vapor?"


"I'm 'guywithalightsaber'
and I'm high as a kite, bay-beh!
And I'm flyin' like a kite paper!
Uh, meant paper kite! Lemme alight
here on this skyscraper
construction site where I'll
tryst with a Triad member,
or was it Aunt Brenda?
I know we met on Tinder...
And so I cannot render
aid with your agenda.
Can't fix your car fender
or be your bartender.
The raven's... a harbinger."


A guy with a lightsaber?
My, what a wiseacre!"

What I'm saying here is allowing your children to play Grand Theft Auto III and derivative works is bad parenting in more ways than the FCC is letting you in on. And the game itself is bad at parenting. Not only are there frequent replacements of what you've been expressly and unstutteringly instructed to do with another unrelated, self-assigned assignment... but those aren't ever even properly followed through with! "I'm gonna be a firemannnaaahhh, there's risk involved. Hey, I wanna be a par-a-med-ic... Nah, you gotta care-a-lil'-bit. No, I got it! Gonna be a taxi driver in Calkutta (reference only EU peeps will get). Nah, I'd actually rather just drive myself around Liberty City, hence the name." And THAT'S rewarded by making you hugely wealthy. Yeah, this will prepare you for life, won't it. What the constant camera slapping like davie504 to wipe traffic off the road translates to is "C'mon, move, people occupying my friggin' lane! No that's ALSO MY LANE!" Claude's simply the consummate narcissist. Just the basic ability to self-reflect is inherently compromised here – you KNOW replays are shoddily implemented when they cause massive rodent-induced-dam-failure-like upheavals to the gamestate when you return!

I don't know, man. I see there's definitely been upheavals to the state of the game/art/category (single-segment by any selfish means necessary), 15:11 off previous SDA run, downtown to the dam in 0:56:46. Help yourself, you're a lost cause anyway.

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