It’s getting close to my favorite time of the year: AGDQ Eve! But we’re not there yet so in lieu of a calendar stuffed with chocolates I present to you bundles of speedy joy to happily distract you!

Hark! Hear that screaming? Getting ever closer?! IT’S LIKELY A PERSON SEEKING A DOSE OF THIS END OF YEAR CHEER!!!!

No wait it’s a headless man with bombs. Must’ve gotten out of bounds in Serious Sam HD: The First Encounter, a common occurrence I assure you. 'Freezard' & Daniel 'rayvex' Babik deliver a master class in grunting while propelling through most of the game by riding the opposition like a rented mule and being punched through walls like an inverted Kool Aid Man. The improved stage times total up to 0:23:05. This is on the Tourist difficulty, but I think Tourist better describes how the runners make a mockery of programmed boundaries. Kind of like that time I infiltrated a state park at midnight with a camera…probably shouldn’t have put that on the Internet…ANYWAY.

::Stands imperiously on the face of a buffalo, facing backwards, tromping towards the next run.::

Whoooooooa, Stampy! We’re here at lovely Raccoon City for this episode of Resident Evil: HD Remaster, and boy it’s a mess! Thankfully 'Pessimism' has brought a good friend named Jill Valentine, and she’s brought her bottomless rocket launcher to take care of business. Even Barry looks sadly at his beloved magnum, dainty in comparison to the force on display during this New Game+ 1:16:07 on Normal. For a good laugh, watch at the end of the run as the Tyrant does his best Genji impersonation.

::Laments the loss of the old, non-HD blocky graphics. BUT IS SUDDENLY REWARDED WITH MORE BLOCKS THAN HE EVER DREAMED POSSIBLE!!!!!!::

After facing the horror of Kurushi (aka Intelligent Qube), you’ll beg for a non-Euclidean geometry to blast your fragile sanity apart into blissful madness. 'adeyblue' is a much braver soul who not only does the “come get some” emote with his hand at the oncoming horde of crushing blocks, he holds down the button to accelerate them at maximum speed. Kurushi is krushed in 0:18:56. It is an impressive watch to be certain, I dare say a Her-cube-lean effort. I’ll leave this gem from his commentary:

“Stage 7 is home to the least slack space, the hardest / longest puzzle, the hardest puzzle group, and the game's black sense of humour. Due to the size of the puzzles it's entirely possible for the game to start you off on a wave with a puzzle which is impossible to solve in the space you have behind you, even if you have collected a few extra rows.”

::We interrupt the march of the cubes for an announcement from our staff!::

As requested by my commanding officer, I present http://tasvideos.org/3264M.html as the “compulsory TAS viewing of this year.” I warned you about keys, bro! I told ya dog!